To Build This House

Paths of righteousness

2012-01-23T21:23:00.000-06:00

"He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." Psalm 23:3

The Shepherd often does restore my soul through the familiar words of Psalm 23.

When, like a sheep, I am discontent, directionless, and distraught, he makes me lay down. He leads me. He restores me. When I have strayed from him, he seeks me out and brings me back to the throne of grace.

When doubts invade and fears prevail, he comforts me. He whispers truth of the hope to come and help I have.

When decisions need to be made, he shows me the way. That's the way it works: the shepherd leads, the sheep follow. What grace today to be reminded that the Lord is my shepherd and that he leads me in the right way - "in paths of righteousness." Whether I'm straying or simply confused, he knows not only my good is at stake, but his reputation.

"For his name's sake."

Jesus was not lying when he said, "I am the good shepherd" (John 10:11, emphasis mine). He did lay down his life for us, after all. He knows how to restore, direct, discipline, and provide for his sheep.

What grace to be his, silly and senseless sheep that I am.

"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

Pillows and preschool

2012-01-17T14:48:00.000-06:00

Source

Pillows and preschool. Those are things on my mind these days. As January seems to be flying past, I am caught in the tension of living today and needing to plan ahead. Soon we will transition Haddon to a new room, so little sister can occupy the bedroom nearest to us; admittedly, I'm excited to begin gathering girly nursery ideas and also planning out big boy space for brother. I found the pillow above here and will either buy one or make something similar for Anna. I thought it was fitting, as it has been my anthem and God's continual reminder that unless He builds our house, we labor in vain (Psalm 127:1).

I have also been thinking about preschool. Our boy will turn four this year and to this point we have chosen not to enroll him in any kind of program. We are prayerfully considering what the fall will hold, when he will begin kindergarten (since he is in that gray September window, and that could play a role in when/how we do preschool), and things like this. With registrations fast approaching it feels like we need to have made a decision yesterday.

A while ago I came across a quote by J.C. Ryle (a 19th century English pastor and writer), and today I went searching for it again - as the weight of decisions as small as nursery colors and fabric and as big as how to educate my precious ones seemed as heavy as the weight of the world for some reason. I thought maybe someone else could use it too:

“Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes; but if you truly love them, then often think about their souls. Nothing should concern you as greatly as their eternal destiny. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die.“This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, ‘How will this affect their souls?’“A true Christian must not be a slave to what’s currently ‘in-fashion,’ if he wants to train his child for heaven. He must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is customary, or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children’s souls. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd and strange. What if it is? The time is short—the customs of this world are passing away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for the earth—for God, rather than for man—he is the parent that will be called wise in the end.”~ J.C. RyleThe Upper Room, “The Duties of Parents”, [Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth, 1970], 289, 290.

Lord, may every plan and scheme and arrangement that concerns our little ones include that mighty question, "How will it affect their souls?"

Our 2011 (Continued)

2012-01-08T20:22:00.002-06:00

Putting our 2011 into words ended up being more difficult than I thought, but it is year I don't want to forget. So here is the rest of the recap, if you caught the first part.

After the whirlwind move and travel for school and a wedding, we commenced settling in to a new routine in a different house and new neighborhood. We met neighbors who we instantly liked and had been praying for for months, even before we knew who they would be. Some walls were painted and boxes unpacked. An inflatable pool in the backyard became a place to cool off and watch airplanes zoom overhead. (To the thrill of Haddon's heart, we're close enough to the airport that small planes regularly fly over.)

June also brought the first round of tests to confirm if there were obvious problems preventing subsequent pregnancies for us. Beginning to lean toward adoption, we wanted to rule out simple issues before closing the door on pregnancy. A lot of emotion and lessons are tied up in these short, undescriptive paragraphs - I wish I could put it all down, but that's for another day. To make a long story very short, a test was ordered to see if there were blockages preventing conception, and the results - scar tissue from the miscarriage. Too much of it to even complete the test. Oddly enough, four days later, an exam with my OB revealed completely different results - nothing. Another test was ordered for the next cycle, one that would eventually agree with my OB. Hmm. Another post for another day! What to make of it? "Unexplained secondary infertility" and/or a miracle.

And so we carried on with our July and played and laughed and went to the lake with friends we labored alongside of in Alabama earlier in the summer.

The rest and fellowship did our hearts a lot of good. Watching my sweet husband try to ski did my heart more good. :)

By the end of summer our hearts were set completely on adoption. We wanted an orphan to find shelter in our home someday, and we figured God was telling us it would be sooner rather than later. Decisions were made and before we knew it we were full swing into planning and scheduling home studies and saving every penny. The car was finally fixed and the bill was high. We agreed that after it was home and in our driveway we'd rather ~~drive it off a cliff~~ get rid of it than risk more problems, so we sold not only that one but our other car and bought a different one, becoming a one car family for a time in order to ease adoption expenses and save.

August brought another round of class for Matt, but this time Haddon and I joined him for a few days. We caught up with friends and had a fun day at the zoo. August always brings a new semester, with familiar as well as new faces gracing our lives every Sunday. A new semester also brought another opportunity for Matt to teach a class on campus, a great joy for us to be able to meet more students and be a part of the campus that has meant so much to us.

September brought much excitement, as our big boy blew out THREE birthday candles. At three he is full of little boy energy, never stops talking, and daily fills our hearts with so much joy.

In September we also scheduled our home study and began to really grow in anticipation for adding to our family through adoption. With friends and family on board, we anxiously waited to see what God had in store. My niece (who is more like a little sister) also got engaged!

And then.

The little plus sign we had been waiting for (and waiting for...) appeared in the window, and just like that, 2011 looked very different. Shocked - excited, but shocked - we took a few days to digest the information. We called the doctor and immediately began testing blood levels, etc. Our home study, which was scheduled for a week following the positive test, was postponed. So many questions, so much fear, but we knew we could trust the Lord.

As the pregnancy seemed to progress on target and a seven week ultrasound provided a glimpse into the secret and a tiny beating heart reassured us, we were forced to put our adoption plans on hold (per our agency and the country we were working with). Even amid the absolute joy of answered prayers, it was bittersweet to turn our eyes from those waiting children who needed family's of their own; but we knew the Father would care for them then, and now we pray that another year to come will be one that welcomes one of the least of these into our hearts and home.

October and most of November were a blur of nausea and fatigue, though I truly was thankful for it. Early October brought my 10 year high school reunion and we took our first family camping trip. Haddon was a lion for trunk-or-treating, where he had fun with his friends mining car trunks for candy.

November brought some relief to pregnancy symptoms and some freedom from the fear that threatened to steal my joy. I celebrated my last birthday in my twenties and I tagged along to a conference with Matt for some solo husband-wife time to process the turn life had taken (with some Ikea thrown in for fun!) Thanksgiving weekend was full of food, family, and friends. We headed to Bloomfield for a short but fun-filled day with some of our favorite people on the planet who we don't get to see nearly enough these days. The next day Matt headed back to seminary for his last week of classes for the year.

December brought some typical December things: Advent celebrating, Christmas preparation and decorating, fun gatherings, and gift crafting...

...and some not so typical December things, like finding out that our little unexpected one was a GIRL! Seeing her via ultrasound again at around 15 weeks was the best gift we could have hoped for. On Christmas morning I opened a wonderful keepsake, marking the "official" naming of our sweet girl, a necklace representing so many answered prayers and a hundred faith lessons from 2011. She is baby Anna, by the way. ;)

There is so much more to remember from 2011, but those are the highlights. Our heads are still spinning a bit from all of the transition - mostly wonderful ones - but we are settling in and continuing to look ahead to what 2012 will hold.

Our 2011 (Part 1)

2012-01-05T23:01:00.002-06:00

After reading several year-in-review blog posts I was inspired to try to put our 2011 into words. It wasn't easy, partly because of my memory and partly because of the whirlwind that was 2011 for us. Since my blogging was less than consistent in the midst of it, though, I decided to try to fit it into this space for the future (when my memory is even worse!).

In January 2011 we were up to our elbows in home projects and final preparations for listing our first little house in the country for sale. We remodeled a bathroom and touched up paint. Clutter found new space at Goodwill and a storage unit. Matt began his doctoral studies at the seminary and celebrated a birthday. We prayed that the year ahead would include a fourth member of our family, somehow.

February brought continued plans to sell the house and by the end of the month it was officially on the market. While we waited for interest, we spent lots of time playing and looking forward to spring. We also began seriously discussing and researching the adoption process.

March came and we marched into action, it seems. Matt took students to Fargo for a week, while Haddon and I stayed home to hold down the fort. That week we got to hang with some precious friends and have one last hang out on Morehead Road.

The weather improved and so did our cabin fever. The first week of spring, after only five weeks on the market, and two viewings, our house was officially "under contract;" it was super exciting for five minutes, and then terrifying. We assumed it would take longer to sell, and really hadn't gotten in a hurry to find a replacement home. Visions of homelessness and doubt crept in, as the roller coaster that was to come raced uphill.

The houses we had slight interest in before our house sold suddenly evaporated when we actually began looking seriously (with a serious closing deadline, too). One failed negotiation and another failed contract later, our faith was fragile. April came and felt very full of temporal things demanding our attention. Suddenly our real home in heaven seemed much more secure and precious. We knew we would find something - and we did - but the process tried us and left us very thankful that our real estate agent was a good and trusted friend.

April also meant Easter celebration and marked the passing of a year since we first knew the heartache of a still ultrasound screen. Even as we searched for a new place to live, my heart ached for more children to fill it. We did treasure the last days and weeks at our old address, the place we brought our sweet boy home to and watched him pass so many milestones.

April went out like a lion, not in our personal lives, but in the history of our country, particularly the south. Historic tornadoes ripped through Alabama and surrounding states, leaving death and destruction in their wake. The first Sunday in May we heard news that the Disaster Relief team from our church was heading into the devastation to bring aid and Jesus, and our hearts were compelled to go, even though we were not certified "DR" people; after so much time spent thinking about where to live, it seemed refreshing and appropriate to help families who had lost everything. It was a sobering reminder that our lives are a vapor and that houses built by hands can literally be gone with the wind.

We were blessed beyond measure by those long-working, but short-lived days amid flattened houses and deflated hearts in Alabama. Friendships deepened and fellowship was strong as we worked side by side with fellow Hopers and with other brothers and sisters from the Kentucky Baptist DR and the Alabama Christians, light in the midst of darkness. The families our chainsaw team served as we cleared ancient trees and scattered debrie will forever be etched on my mind and our hearts. This special time was truly a highlight of 2011 for me, though it represents the heartache of a lifetime for so many others.

And then the rest of May. It was crazy. We closed on one house and waited for the closing of another, in town and an answer to prayer. We packed. We moved. Two days later, Matt headed to seminary for a week for his first round of seminars and colloquium. After a few solo days in the new abode, Haddon went to Mimi's and I attempted to follow the next day. Then our car broke, beginning a two month process of various mechanics figuring out precisely what was wrong and ending in a very large repair bill.

Haddon the ring bearer, only happy with an iPhone

After the move, there was a flurry of unpacking and settling in, plus a wedding (Matt's brother), and some medical testing to determine why we had failed to conceive thrown in for fun. And...with that I'll leave you in suspense and say TO BE CONTINUED. :)

She

2011-12-14T14:29:00.002-06:00

As all of you probably are, we're celebrating the coming Christmas at our house. We have been celebrating advent as a family, praying that the wonder of Jesus' birth would capture our hearts more than just new things.

Last year the Christmas season was a special comfort to my heart as God spoke truth deep down into my longing: "I have not left you as orphans. I have come for you." Remembering the gift of His Child also softened the grief for one of ours. This year we are reminded in a new way that God is in the business of miracles, that long waits reveal the Father's faithful love and perfect timing, and that Emmanuel is our daily hope.

Into all of these truths enters the next chapter of our little story. "It" - this little life we longed for and who took us by surprise - is a "SHE." We are beyond thankful and as she begins to tell me she is there in flutters and tiny kicks (instead of some intense sickness!), I am praying daily to trust her Creator and mine in new ways, taking one day at a time.

The Sweetest Gift

2011-11-09T19:52:00.003-06:00

Yesterday marked my 29th year of life, and for this life I am deeply thankful. The gifts of God in my life are innumerable and immeasurable. The sweetest gift He has given me this year is the understanding of my desperate need for Him in every.single.moment. In a year (mostly) defined by waiting - for the blessing of another child - He has given much more than that; for He knows my heart can only be truly satisfied by Himself - and Himself saw to it that this lesson be learned.

Susannah Spurgeon, wife of Charles Spurgeon, said it this way, "Not Thy gifts, nor Thy grace, nor even Thy glory, could satisfy the desire of a soul which Thou hast made to long for Thyself. Thou, the Giver of all other precious things, art Thyself the choicest, the "unspeakable" gift! Lord, into the thirst of my empty heart pour the full stream of Thy living love! Give me Thyself, or I die!"*

This year God has also given me the gift of waiting. A gift, truly, though in raw moments I was more apt to count it a curse. This blog post by Paul Tripp gave me courage in my waiting, especially these words: "Waiting is one of God's most powerful tools of grace. It's important to realize in your ministry that God doesn't just give us grace for the wait. The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait." God has given me the gift of heart transformation in our wait.

Finally, a gracious and merciful Creator has given the gifts of healing and LIFE. Today, as though a belated birthday blessing, my eager ears heard the fluttering of a strong and beautiful beating heart, tucked away within me! Joy unspeakable. The Defender of the fatherless is also the Mender of the broken heart; our adoption plans are on hold for now and this precious one is expected for arrival May 30, 2012. We are taking one day at a time, rejoicing in His perfect plans and entrusting the days and months ahead to His wisdom.

Mrs. Spurgeon said it better than I ever could:

"But Thine hand, precious Savior, can work prompt deliverance; it takes Thee but an instant to accomplish that which has baffled all our best efforts...Ah! thank God that the joy of uplifting compensates so richly for the sorrow of a season of discouragement...Do not let us dread any sorrow which the Lord may bring upon us; it is only when, by our own sin or willfulness, we fall into grief, that we need fear the consequences; for when our Lord casts us down, or lifts us up, both experiences are blessings,-the one in grim disguise, the other in all the brightness of revealed love and pity...It is the beginning of a glad uplifting when we realize that there is nothing impossible to our God, and that, however low we may be brought, His saving love is more than equal to the task of reaching and restoring us."* (Excerpts from A Basket of Summer Fruit: Chapter 10)

"For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal." Job 5:18

*For more Susannah Spurgeon (which I would highly recommend you do!) go to this "Dust and Ashes" website; you have to sign up with your email, but then have access to many free and exclusive books, including a few works by Mrs.Spurgeon.

Camping trip

2011-10-19T13:19:00.002-05:00

After a long few weeks of family sickness life is returning to semi-normal. Last weekend we decided we needed some detoxing from the too many movies, cartoons, and whatever-makes-you-feel-betters, so we loaded up and took our first family camping trip. It was cold overnight and that could be why one of us is still on a Z pack, but I think we all count our camping adventure as worth it.

Haddon on guard for bears while Daddy starts setting up the tent.

An unusual quiet and still moment these days!

This boy loves his books...and the tent!

Camping like pros with dinosaur chicken nuggets on the camp stove!

A cold morning bundled up with breakfast on the fire.

We also did a fun hike and got to see some deer really close up on our way out of Mammoth Cave. Some of my favorite family memories as a kid are of camping with my family and it was a precious treat to me to get to make these memories with our little family.

The Next Bridge

2011-09-26T20:27:00.006-05:00

It is easy to get so overwhelmed by all the bridges we might have to cross to get to a place we ultimately want to be that we are crippled by fear and unbelief. All of life stretches out ahead of us and we see a blur of bridges that might need crossing and we - I - fear.

In certain seasons of life we know the burden of a certain bridge and we long for the light at the end of the tunnel. Every one of us knows that bridge, that tunnel. They are different bridges but we all know the longing, hoping, waiting. Praying. And then there is light. There is always Light when we know the Bridge Builder.

As the light saturates darkness we squint and try to catch a glimpse of the next bridge. What will it be like? What scenes will we take in and tuck away between one bridge and another? It approaches and we try to discern the people, the shadows, the lines.

At times we are surprised by joy. We find beauty in unexpected places. Rejoicing replaces weeping and faith triumphs over fear.

In other moments that are tense and trying, at least there is comic relief - like French guys sun-bathing (?) or sleeping (?) in their underwear at the foot of the bridge. Laughter really is good medicine. Some days we have to look harder for it than other days, but it can be found beneath every bridge.

I am emerging from one bridge, straining to make out the next. There is beauty and laughter to be found, but there is also fear. Joy stealing, heart wrenching fear. Oh that I will believe and take it one day at a time, straining to see the glory of the Bridge Builder on the other side, never afraid to cross the next bridge when I come to it.

The photos in this post are from my trip to France last fall. These are the famous bridges of Paris. I'm praying for grace to rest and enjoy the scenery as much as I did that afternoon last September.

Living words for a Monday

2011-09-19T13:26:00.002-05:00

Precious and living Words for when we are fearful or anxious:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

ToBuildThisHouse Etsy Style

2011-09-13T21:47:00.003-05:00

Hello sweet reader friends!

I wanted to let you know about a new adventure I am embarking on. I have had some projects up my sleeve and I am hoping they can help offset the cost of our adoption. I am the proud (or terrified, I'm not sure which) new shopkeeper of this Etsy shop and will be beginning to post some items there. The items I added today are ceramic ornaments that can be for Christmas but I am also doing non-Christmas themes. I will be linking on the sidebar to my Etsy shop if you are interested! Please pray for us as we make choices regarding our time and finances as we get deeper into this journey!

Love,

Cheyenne

Around the house

2011-09-12T14:40:00.004-05:00

The view from our front porch Saturday

Since I've been back at blogging I have spent most of my words on adoption to catch everyone up to speed. But lest you think that's the only thing we're up to, I decided to share some random tidbits of life at our house.

For starters, we've moved. Some of you might be thinking I'm trying to go into the witness protection program since I've bounced around blogland and changed physical addresses! I assure you, I'm not. The move is part of the reason I was MIA this summer. We sold our old house more quickly than expected and then had an interesting journey to our new address, consisting of several false starts and an annulled contract (due to a poor inspection on a really old home). I'll spare you the gory details, and just say that we finally found a place that is a great fit and we are thankful to be here.

Around our house we also have a three year old! We celebrated his birthday last week and we are more than thankful for the trials and blessings of parenting an energetic boy. We are spending our days playing with new toys and reading new books!

We're also doing some switcheroos with some furniture, learning how things go best in the new place. We moved the Bug from his crib and to a twin bed. One big change is selling a pair of black leather chairs to my sister and buying this green thrift store beauty for cheap at my favorite consignment store in town. I might reupholster her someday, but for now we (and by we, I mean Jack) are basking in all of her cozy greeness.

And one other tidbit I'll share is a fun gift I gave Matt this summer for our anniversary. We didn't want to spend much this year so we agreed to simple. His aunt had given us this fun canvas for our room that I liked the looks of and I had a poem in mind that would be a sweet reminder to encourage him. So I bought a canvas and other supplies and created this based roughly on the other one from this company.

I could also show you pictures of dirty floors, unpacked boxes, and half finished projects...but I won't. Building a house - bricks and mortar, families, and souls - is always a work in progress.

September 11th

2011-09-11T15:18:00.002-05:00

Ten years ago today I walked to class as a college freshmen. As I walked the increasingly familiar, hilly path to an 8 o'clock journalism class, terrorists were advancing plots against America.

The tvs were blaring and my professor looked frazzled. Students were murmuring and no one was really settling in as usual. I squinted but all I could make out was smoke billowing; she finally gathered us long enough to tell us to go home and watch tv -- journalism history was in the making. Not just journalism history, though it was. American history, family history (for those directly impacted), personal history, because we all remember where we were. I got back to my dorm and heeded instruction, turning on the tv in time to see the second tower struck. Horrified, and desperately dialing for home and comfort, I watched live coverage of men and women jumping from burning wreckage. (A few years later that was a hot topic of journalism ethics, and the same professor led us through heated discussions of whether the media should have aired those jumpers.)

In the years between then and now, the physical landscape of Manhattan has changed, and is a symbol of so much.

Seeing the physical hole in the middle of a city is painful, but is nothing compared to the pain of those families with much deeper craters in their hearts. (The above photo was taken around 2004 when we were there as students.) Even in the deep scars, though, there is redemption - as there always is with a Living God. Churches rose out of the ashes and I have heard firsthand the stories of salvation, of finding faith and Jesus when your backyard gets blown apart. Pray for those churches that were fruit of this tragedy, that God would make them hands of healing as the wound stings fresh with this anniversary. Praise Him for bringing beauty from ashes and freedom from fear.

"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
Psalm 46:10-11

Why special needs?

2011-09-10T15:05:00.003-05:00

Over the last several weeks I have shared a little about our adoption process so far. I've shared why we are adopting in the first place and why we chose Korea. One element of our process that seems most confusing to others is that we are a part of program for "waiting children," those who have mild to moderate special needs.

Waiting. Special. Needs. Not perfect - perhaps not even healthy. All scary and risky sounding, true. So why did we choose this path? Do we have a special calling or burden for special needs children? We do now, I guess you could say. In reality, we chose special needs adoption because we chose Korea and we chose our particular agency; because our agency does not have an office in our state of residence, the only option was to do so as a part of the waiting child program. And we are okay with it.

Unknowns are scary to me, but my heart is at rest. As we have thought and prayed over the days and years ahead, we trust that God has knit together a little one for us and that whatever labels he or she might wear are given by a wise and loving Creator. We also trust that He knows what our limits are and what is wise for us in regard to the severity of the need. We have specified certain things that we will consider and others that we do not feel comfortable with for now, and will wait to see who comes our way. Once our agency calls we will have full discretion to say yes or no. It is an odd place to be but we are here by God's grace.

The range of needs the waiting children could have are from totally insignificant to overwhelming. Today we attended a picnic where at least seven or eight former Korean orphans (ages 18 months to six or seven years) ran and played, all healthy and vibrant, precious and loved children with moms and dads who were willing to take the risk on loving them.

God loves the orphan. He loves the least of these. He loves the blind, the deaf, the "not perfect." Aren't we all "waiting children"? Flawed beyond hope and desperately in need of a Savior to fix our bodies, our minds, or souls? He is redeeming what is broken - in me, in you, in the orphan with labels.

Please pray for us - for wisdom, for freedom from anxiety and fear, that we would wait well. Pray that we would serve the Lord who creates blind eyes for His glory and opens them too (see John 9).

Daily Bread

2011-08-29T20:30:00.002-05:00

Every day I am reminded that God is faithful to provide for my needs. Some days it comes in miracles and others it comes on very practical terms. Some days it is surplus and wonderful, pain au chocolat. Other days it is just bread - common, sufficient, enough. The Bread Maker and Bread Giver is wise and knows which bread to give me.

Jesus prayed for daily bread. I am asking for it and watching it come. Just for today, not tomorrow. Enough, no more and no less. Pain au chocolat or just plain bread, I am thankful.

"Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread!"
(Proverbs 30:8)

Why Korea?

2011-08-25T12:11:00.002-05:00

On Sunday I shared some thoughts about the heart and thought processes leading up to our adoption decision. Today I thought I would share some specifics on why we chose the particular program we did and how we made the decision, in hopes that it will be helpful to someone else someday.

A few short months ago I was overwhelmed by the amount of information and options. There are millions of orphans all over the planet who do not have basic necessities and do not know the love of a family. The need is astounding. I was standing at the foot of a giant mountain trembling with fear and anxiety, paralyzed and afraid to take the first step.
To say there was some kind of methodical, formulated process to making our decision is kind of laughable. When our decision to adopt in general was made, we prayed that God would close doors and make it obvious - and He did. One day and one decision at a time, with His Word and His workings, we came to some conclusions.

As we processed it together we were both in agreement that China would be our top interest. A trip there together and a knowledge of the spiritual climate prompted us in that direction, but we knew we were too young and might fall short of the financial requirements. Though I did some checking, we found that the government would not budge on the age minimums, so it ruled it out for us. We filled out pre-applications to a few agencies and found that my thyroid condition ruled out several other programs, leaving Korea as our only option in Asia. Doors began to shut.

Other doors remained open or untried but our hearts began to incline toward Korea. We have had the pleasure of working with a handful of Korean students on campus over the past five years and have always enjoyed them so much. We happened to meet new friends last spring in the process of bringing home their precious little girl from Korea and have been able to see their story unfold (and you can go here to watch it in pictures!)

One Sunday morning I was especially thinking about all these things and our church happened to introduce a candidate for a ministry position, one that had been open for a long time. That morning a man I had yet to personally meet shared a two minute story of his life and at the end of it referenced Isaiah 43:18-19.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. "

My ears perked up. My heart was stirred so I jotted it down to look up later. (I met Bill Wade right after and I am so thankful God brought him and his wife to join our family at LHBC!)

A few days later I was rifling through my Bible, skimming through a few Psalms to get me through the morning, when my eyes landed on my scribbled reference to Isaiah. "A new thing!" "Streams in the desert!" Water to my thirsty soul. So I wandered from the Psalms to the prophets and found Isaiah 43. I knew what I was looking for was later in the chapter but I started at the beginning, not knowing that God was about to take my hand and show me the way. This is what I found and it took my breath away.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west. ⁶ I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— ⁷ everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
(Isaiah 43:1-7, emphasis mine)

I would never want to advocate for taking Scripture out of context, but in that moment in His mysterious way, the Spirit said "This is the way, now walk in it." He said just what I needed to hear. "Do not be afraid. I am with you. I love you. I made you, broken womb and all. I am gathering the nations from the ends of the earth to be my sons and daughters. There are sons and daughters that do not have earthly mothers and fathers. Go get one. From Korea, even. It is ALL for my glory."

And so I called my husband in an excited flurry and mumbles and tears and told him I knew what we needed to do. That narrowed down the options for agencies and we settled on the one that made most sense. From there we began the practical steps of making it a reality.

So where are we now? Next week we should be able to turn in everything for our home study application and get the process on that rolling.

I hope that even if you're not on an adoption journey and you don't even care where we are in ours, that you will take time to go back and re-read that precious word from the Lord in Isaiah. May it comfort and restore your soul no matter what road you're walking today.

Why adoption?

2011-08-21T14:53:00.002-05:00

Launching out into the terrifying and exciting adventure of adoption has created a myriad of emotions in my heart and a ripple of reaction in those who hear our news. Mostly we have met sweet encouragement and rejoicing with us for the way God is working in our family.

I feel immeasurably blessed to watch those who have wept with us truly rejoicing at this new direction God is taking us. But I know there will be honest questions and probably those who don't really get it along the way. After all, isn't is expensive, time consuming, uncertain? Yes, yes, yes - but we will do it, Lord willing.

If I'm really honest, down in the crevices of my heart I wonder if God's best for us will fall short of my own expectations. I wonder if He will provide and on my timeline at that. I wonder how much more breaking it will take to heal us of the disease of self - "my way, my wants, my timing, Lord!!"

But to answer the question...

There has always been vague interest in adopting someday. The proud assumption was that we would do it our way and on our terms. A beautiful boy joined us almost three years ago and we wondered if someday his baby brother or sister would share his blonde hair and brown eyes. Or would they have the dark hair or the blue eyes, our DNA? Adoption on the back burner and seeming very distant at best.

Early in 2010 the Creator created and we rejoiced. Soon after, there I stood in the chapel of a seminary campus, at an conference, worshiping with a tiny but filled womb, learning the plight of the orphan and of my own spiritual adoption in Christ. I wept. The desire to adopt grew but my womb did not...though I could not perceive that at the time. In a month's time the hope of a growing family vanished in miscarriage and we came face to face with an all-wise Creator Father. We got on our knees and pleaded for mercy, for comfort, for another.

It has not come. And all around us friends have taken brave steps toward freeing the fatherless and making room for hopeless orphans under their own roofs. Someday, I thought. After God heals this wound and fixes me...womb, heart, all. All the while I knew He would redeem our loss, and as we take steps in this journey I feel more confident this is His way for us.

As time has passed we have felt more and more aware of the growing distance between our firstborn and whoever will come after. We have also sensed that now is the time to begin the process of inviting one of "the least of these" to be our son or daughter. So I researched and we made some overwhelming decisions one at a time until we got to where we are now.

It is both spiritual and practical, and doesn't God so often work that way? We know there will be obstacles (in both the physical and spiritual realms) but the Father of the fatherless is faithful. We are thankful for the way He is working in our souls, our family, in the nations, and that is why we are adopting.

Initial questions answered

2011-08-11T21:23:00.003-05:00

I want to go back and share more of the internal processing of this journey, but for now I wanted to give some quick details that I realized I hadn't shared publicly yet.

We've chosen to pursue an international adoption in Korea. We will be in the waiting child program through our agency because of the state we live in. We have no time line, but are working to complete paperwork to finalize the application process with the agency and also for the home study. After that we could get a quick referral or we could have to wait. We will not get a gender preference, but honestly do not have one. More boys are referred in Korea to international families, but due to the nature of the waiting program we could also end up with a girl. We'll take whoever Jesus says is ours. :)

I want to share more later about how we chose Korea and the agency since those were nearly overwhelming decisions for me. Now that we're moving in a certain direction it seems less daunting. We're just doing the next thing, filling out the next form, and waiting for the Lord to provide.

Prayers are so appreciated!

Stream of consciousness welcome back

2011-08-06T23:19:00.002-05:00

No words can really describe the past days, months, this year really.

Life has been busy, yes. We have changed physical addresses and now here I am changing blog addresses again too. ;) Busy isn't why I have been quiet though. A precious friend humbled my heart this week when she mentioned my blogging silence and said she prayed for me most when I'm quiet.

I have so much to say and no inkling of how to say it. God is big and faithful but I am small and frail.

He is building and remaking me and some days it is too painful to share the details. Some days motherhood gets the best of me (and I pray it gets my best), leaving nothing to energy and sane thought for a blog post. Other times I want to share excitement, gratitude, news...but I fear.

But tonight I drank a grande iced coffee way too late and I'm awake. No time like the present and a night of too much coffee to break the silence I guess. Oh, and I have a new reason to write.

We're beginning the adoption process. I know there will be things I won't want to forget, but more than that, I want to share the journey with those of you who have walked with us thus far. Since God is still building me and our family, I thought it was fitting to reuse this space to record this story. We desperately need His wisdom and provision. I long to recount story after story of His faithfulness. I look forward to catching you up in the days ahead.

The Hiding Place

2010-07-26T13:17:00.005-05:00

This summer I happened upon a copy of The Hiding Place, the story of Corrie Ten Boom as told by John and Elizabeth Sherrill. It has quickly become one of my favorite books ever.

Many of you know who Corrie Ten Boom is, and many more of you (like me) recognize her name and know she's a special lady but can't exactly remember why. You might have seen a quote of hers here or there. In reality, not just Corrie, but the whole Ten Boom family deserves our attention and admiration.

The Hiding Place is a biographical work depicting how the Ten Booms came to shelter Jews in Holland during World War II - a heroic service that cost several of the family members their lives at the hands of the Nazi regime. Corrie survived and lived to tell a tragic yet beautiful story of God's goodness, forgiveness, and salvation.

There are so many lessons to be learned from this story and many of them have left a profound imprint upon my heart. I hope to share some of them with you, but I highly recommend you read The Hiding Place personally.

One of Corrie's trademark lines is this:

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."

I needed to hear that today, and maybe you do too.

He is and there isn't

2010-07-12T13:27:00.003-05:00

Kid songs are great reminders sometimes. Luckily, they also get stuck in your head.

One of the Bug's favorites is "Our God is so big!" He'll throw up his arms and mumble a lot until you can make out "BIG" and you know what he's singing.

And it's as true a song as ever was written, I am being reminded.

"Our God is so big, so strong, and so mighty!
There's NOTHING our God cannot do!"

He is and there isn't.

Every cow on a thousand hills belongs to Him.

He made the earth, the sky, the stars, me, you.

The grave has been overcome by a Suffering Servant, Jesus the Lamb of God.

He works miracles and provides in mysterious ways.

Yet I fear, and fret, and doubt; but He shows me again, graciously, that He is so big, so strong, so mighty. There is nothing my God cannot do.

He is and there isn't.

Believe it.

Blog Takeover

2010-07-10T12:31:00.007-05:00

This is a blog take-over. The Bug and I don't like to make a habit of this but we had an important conversation this afternoon and we felt like it needed to be shared with the world. Here's a brief re-enactment:

Daddy-O: Whatcha doing, Bug?

The Bug: "Not much Daddy-O, just making something for Momma"

Daddy-O: "That's a great idea, man. You know something?
I think sometimes Momma doesn't realize how great we think she is."

Bug: "What?!? Are you serious?"

Daddy-O: "Yea, I know, it's hard to believe since she is such an awesome momma and such a wonderful wife, but I think sometimes we just need to do a better job telling her that. How does it make you feel to think about her not knowing how much she means to us?"

The Bug: "Like this..."

Daddy-O: "Yea, me too. Hey let's be sure and tell her today how much we love her and how much we appreciate all that she does for us. She really is great! So, Bug, if Momma was here right now, what would you want to say to her?"

The Bug:

Catching up

2010-06-22T13:17:00.002-05:00

I have a lot of catching (you) up to do!

The past few weeks have flown by in a flurry, and I have had little to no computer time each day. I have a backlog of blog posts to write and life to tell you about as time allows.

For now, here is a tiny taste of life in our neck of the woods:

The vegetables (and the weeds) are growing, and so is my not-so-little boy.

Last week the three of us trekked to Orlando to the SBC annual meeting and for some family vacation time.

I have finished a fabulous few books that I am excited to recommend to you, as well as some commentary on the same. One in particular has made its way to the very top of my all-time favorite books list. I'll keep you in suspense for now.

In sad family news, and a request for prayer: We received news late last week that our young cousin, Chanissa, has leukemia. Her daddy is a leukemia survivor, which gives us hope, and they have received many good reports after the initial diagnosis. But. It's a hard road and our family knows it well, unfortunately. Pray for this sweet girl that we all love so much, for her parents, her little sister, and for all of us as we trust Jesus to do His healing work in her.

Summer is in full effect, and if I don't blog frequently, don't hate me. I have a few days sans toddler coming up, so maybe I'll catch up more then.

Hope you're enjoying June and doing well!

Yes every time

2010-06-02T15:06:00.002-05:00

Today I read through the book of James in the New Testament. It is a convicting letter, sort of like a dad or coach who can cut straight to the matter (and your heart) without raising his voice an iota. You know what I mean?

The words that were particularly poignant today hit upon wisdom.

Now just let me say that I am wise enough to know that I don't know enough about a lot of things:

Marriage. Parenting. Cooking. Cleaning. Friendship. Gardening. Scripture. Jesus. Theology. Blogging. Miscarriage. Potty training. Discipline. Grace. Fitness. Facebook privacy settings. Oil spills. Cloth diapers. The Future...for me, our family, my kids, the world. And the list could go on and on and on.

That's the bad news. I am not always wise or learned. (Maybe that's not news to you! :)

Ahem.

The good news?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5

When we cry out to God for wisdom it is a yes every time!

It doesn't matter if it is wisdom to choose a college or a spouse, one path or the other, wisdom to discern right from wrong, to hold our tongue or speak - God gives generously without reproach.

When I think back to those moments when I have been utterly bankrupt as to the next step, the next words, the next you-name-it, God has been faithful to provide something, someone to show me how or what or when or who. And if nothing else, He gives the wisdom to ask for help - whether it be from Him or others.

When we cry out for wisdom from God it is a yes every time.

Where are you lacking wisdom in your life? Will you ask Him to provide it, believing that He generously gives it without reproach?

Building Material

2010-05-24T10:20:00.002-05:00

Simple Mom has a great re-post from last year on finding motivation at home.

For gardeners or the gardener wanna-be, a good resource on container gardening here.

For the Lost fans among you, watch in the next few days for pictures of the super-themed Lost finale party that we attended. :)

Happy Monday!

Wise Words

2010-05-20T09:02:00.002-05:00

“God is too good to be unkind.
He is too wise to be confused.
If I cannot trace His hand,
I can always trust His heart.”
C. H. Spurgeon

One twig at a time

2010-05-18T22:12:00.003-05:00

The resident of this birdhouse, a common sparrow, is teaching me a lesson - or two - or ten.

You know the old saying, "The early bird gets the worm." That being the case, she was the first bird on our street to realize that a perfect nesting place magically appeared near the top of our privacy fence this spring after (human) friends donated the old wooden house to us.

Soon after her discovery, I noticed her cautiously flitting back and forth from the pear tree a few yards away. She carried in a twig here, a piece of straw there.

A few days after I noticed her there the wind took her little house and knocked it to the ground. I was perplexed. Surely she was building a nest for baby sparrows. Were they already there, damaged by the fall? Would she return and continue nesting?

We replaced her tiny box to its perch and waited. She came back. She kept carrying in straw and twigs.

Another windy day blew her house down again.

Before placing the birdhouse back on the fence I ventured a peek inside. The box was absolutely full of nesting materials, though there was no visible sign of eggs. Careful not to hold too long or touch too much to scare Mama Bird away, I put it back where it belonged.

Sure enough, the next morning out my kitchen window I saw her in the pear tree gazing at her little home. Back and forth she flew, tending to it, no doubt making minor repairs to any twig out of place.

Unable to bear seeing her diligence wasted, and that little nest knocked down once more, I asked Matt to secure the birdhouse to the fence. He kindly obliged and in no time Mama Bird's nest was securely fixed upon the fence.

Why all this rambling about a simple little sparrow and an old wooden box?

Mama Bird reminds me that God always provides what we need when we need it.

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

Mama Bird reminds me that God always provides, yet I must be diligent to build with what He grants me.

Mama Bird reminds me that storms will come, yet the Lord will protect me always.

"Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise, when songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me..."

Mama Bird is proof that God always provides others to pick us up and keep us from falling.

I am thankful for the church. I am thankful for friends and family.

Mama Bird teaches me that a home is built one twig at a time, not all in one day, season, or year.

Long before my name was Bride or Mama, He was building my nest. While my womb was swelling with life and I scrubbed kitchen cabinets in complete submission to "the nesting instinct," He was building my nest. When my little perch seems to topple in the wind and my long-drawn plans seem wasted, He is yet building my nest. When babies are grown and from my cozy nest fly free, He will still be building me.

One twig at a time.

Thank you, Mama Bird.

I Will Carry You

2010-05-13T13:15:00.008-05:00

A few weeks ago my friend Brittany told me about the book I Will Carry You by Angie Smith.

Barnes and Noble is currently offering a free e-book version of I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy, which I downloaded (and promptly devoured in a flurry of tears and mascara), thanks to the tip from Money Saving Mom.

The book is the author's personal story of choosing to carry a child after learning the baby was medically deemed "incompatible with life." She shares her journey of completing the pregnancy, meeting sweet Audrey for only a few hours, and then watching new life give way to death. It is gripping, heart-wrenching, and spiritually enriching.

I cried nearly from the first page to the last - bringing new meaning to the catchphrase "read it and weep" - so consider that fair warning; but it is more than a sad story. The author takes your hand and tells you her story, all the while telling you a much bigger Story - one of a Savior and of hope.

I am thankful for women in my life that I know have personally walked the same terrible and joyful path, and have displayed the same grace and courage that I found within the pages of this book. Those stories - those babies - have made a difference in our church, in our lives.

Angie Smith's husband, Todd, is a member of the music group Selah, and Audrey's song - by the same name as the book - is beautiful. A few of the words are especially poignant to me today as I am still processing what it means to carry a sweet child that God created to be ours for only a few short months, not fully understanding the loss, but knowing that Jesus does.

"So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice"
~Todd and Angie Smith

Frugal Landscaping, Part 3

2010-05-01T09:39:00.004-05:00

This week I shared some ideas for frugal landscaping. You can read the other posts here and here.

Besides doing the work yourself and starting small, the biggest money saver in landscaping is what you choose to plant and where you find them.

Gardening tools can also be expensive. Borrow bigger things that you will only need occasionally. You will want to invest in some basic tools, but inexpensive garden sets can be purchased almost anywhere for less than $10. Gloves, a shovel, hoe, and rake are also useful.

Look in unlikely places for gardening items.
For example, yesterday I found a watering wand, pruning shears, and a big watering can at Aldi for less than $15 for all three. At Lowe's similar pruners were $20 plus alone. I wouldn't have thought to look there for those items, but it saved us a lot of money on things we had to buy this season. In the past I have bought hanging pots and potting soil at Dollar General. Look at consignment stores or Goodwill for pots and planters, which can be pricey at full retail. You can also use what you have at home, like old boots filled with "hens and chicks." :)

Plant mostly perennials.

They come back year after year. Most of them have a short bloom but then provide pretty foliage all season long. The best part is, every several seasons they need to be divided - thus, more plants for free!

Almost all of our flower beds are filled with plants from someone else's garden. I have daylilies, hosta, ferns, calla lilies, peony bushes, and more - all gifts from people who needed to divide their own plants and graciously shared with us. Which brings me to my next point...

Ask friends to share in the spring and fall, when it is best to transplant.
Perennials grow best when they are regularly divided. We just filled our new bed behind the house with divisions from our front bed which was planted three years ago. Besides what we spent on mulch and pavers, the bed was free to fill, and completely finished.

The best part is that when I look around my landscaping I am reminded of the people who shared the plants. I have a peony and ferns that were my great-grandfathers, a guy who loved his flowers; it is special to look out there and think of my Papaw Carmack.

Plant annuals to add color and variety.

Annuals (they only grow one season) provide many more options, especially in a Kentucky climate with cold winters. Every year I spend a little on a big fern and a few packs of flowers like marigolds, geraniums, or something like that. I like to have a few potted plants of annuals for the porches. They can add up fast, but you can buy as few or many as your budget allows.

Grow from seed.

The most bang for your buck is to grow from seed. My favorite flowers are zinnias. A seed pack is less than $1 and will go a long way. Seeds can also be shared, like perennials. Zinnia seeds can be harvested from the flower and reused the next year, so my zinnias were a gift from my Gran, who always has a long row of them in her garden. Late every summer I start saving the flower heads, place them in a paper bag and keep them somewhere dry for the winter. You can't do that with all flowers, but even buying a pack of seeds every year won't break the bank.

Shop around and know prices.
If you don't grow from seed, you can find good prices at your local farmer's market or find a Mennonite or Amish greenhouse, rather than shopping at the local garden center or box store for cheaper prices on annuals.

Last week I found annuals for $1.15/3 pack at the farmer's market, versus $1.85 for the same at a greenhouse close to our house. That isn't much if you're only buying a few, but it would quickly get more expensive. However, I did find my big fern at Lowe's yesterday for $8, when they run $10-15 even at the farmer's market. As with all frugal ventures, it pays to know typical prices in order to take advantage of good deals.

Do you have any other ideas for saving money on landscaping?

Frugal landscaping, Part 2

2010-04-26T21:38:00.008-05:00

This week I am sharing some ideas and tips for frugal landscaping. You can read the first post here (or scroll down).

I am far from a landscaping expert. My work probably won't be featured in Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon; however, with a lot of work and a little cash we have been able to create better curb appeal and a pleasing landscape that adds some beauty to our country living.

Nice, attractive landscaping is also one of the simplest ways to add value to your home.

Here are a few ideas to do all that without breaking the bank:

Do it yourself.

That may seem obvious, but worth saying all the same. With a little sweat and a few necessary tools you can do the same thing professional landscapers do for way, way less.

Assess what you already have.

Like I said before, we had a predominantly blank slate, with exception to a few eyesores that had to be removed. We also had nice mature trees that lend a lot of wonderful shade. We did a lot of digging to create the flower garden space we currently have. (For your husband's sake - or yours - I highly recommend borrowing a tiller. My husband was stubborn.)

The inspector told us before we signed our contract that there were two trees up against the back of the house that needed to be removed in order to protect our house's foundation. We just got around to moving them last weekend, but were able to replant them in better locations. Because of where they had been placed they were hardly noticeable, but honestly just looked more like scraggly tall weeds. Once they were planted in their new homes, they actually look like nice small trees that would have cost us at least $40 each at a home store.

What do you have that you can work with and/or move someplace else? (This might be a non-issue if you're landscaping a new home for the first time!)

Start small and build on as you can afford it.

Make small beds at first - you can always add to it later. A small amount of landscaping can go a very long way in adding both beauty and value to a home. This is great news for those of you who want curb appeal but don't especially enjoy the task of doing it yourself.

We started with the front of the house, since that is what everyone sees. We also had a small bed where the hideous weedy-tree-thing was that we used as a small vegetable garden our first year here. Last year we bought two knock-out roses for that bed and planted an azalea bush that my grandmother gave me. Just last weekend we finally dug out a narrow flower bed behind the house that we plan on adding to in stages.

Make the money you do spend count.

Later in the week I'll post more specifically about what kinds of plants are economical and planting techniques that will save you time and money. For now, though, just know that you can spend a little and get big returns - or you can spend a lot and have nothing to show for it.

For instance, one area of our yard that needed immediate attention was the very back of our lot. We removed the dog house, but there was nothing separating our neighbor's yard from our own. We thought it would look nice to better define our property and provide a privacy hedge for the future. We spent about $15 each on three very small - but very fast growing - evergreens.

We also added in some tall ornamental grasses (for free, from my mom's yard) behind the tree row last summer. After only two seasons a few of those tiny little trees are taller that Matt and almost beyond his fingertips. If we ever need to sell our property, the $70 we spent on those trees will be money well spent given the difference that they will make in a potential buyer's initial view of the backyard.

Mulch is another example of this. You can spend a little cash on mulch and make a big difference, even without a ton of plantings. Mulch instantly brightens and adds contrast, making a bed look tidy.

In Part 3 I will share more about what kinds of plants to use to maximize your investment of time and money.

Frugal Landscaping, Part 1

2010-04-26T08:09:00.004-05:00

I've said before that I love digging in the dirt and inherited at least the desire for a green thumb. Even though I used to whine (a lot) through mulching and weeding with my mom, I find myself digging more and more grass up every spring, in order to put more plants - and thus more mulch. (Mom, I'll be waiting for the "I told you so" phone call!)

When we bought our first house three years ago there was hardly any existing landscaping; what did exist was a big yard, complete with a gigantic ugly dog house, a privacy fence complete with a massive weed-tree-thing, and lots of clay soil.

Above: The big weed-tree-thing before we dug it out.

Three years later we are still in the process of landscaping, but it has come a long way - and for very little money. Have you been to a greenhouse lately? Plants ain't cheap. And if you're like me, and very likely to kill at least a few of them, investing very much can be risky.

So this week I'm going to share some tips and ideas for frugal landscaping and gardening.

Stay tuned...

Above: The other side of the privacy fence after serious weeding and some of my favorite annuals.

Clothes

2010-04-19T20:52:00.003-05:00

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34, emphasis mine

Great is His Faithfulness

2010-04-06T13:01:00.003-05:00

I won't lie. I won't put on a fake smile and tell you I'm okay when I'm not.

If you haven't had a chance to read along, you can go here to catch up.

I don't desire to journal here and spill all my innermost thoughts and feelings for the world for the sake of cheap therapy; on the other hand, my prayer is that by allowing you to walk with me on this journey of miscarriage you will perhaps find comfort for your own moments of suffering, whether they be similar or very different.

Feel free to jump ship if the spring weather has your soul singing and this is heavy stuff. I won't judge you.

Anyone left? No? Maybe?

Like I said, pasting on a grin when I'm not feeling it is just not me. The reality? This stinks.

We are grieving. Lonely. Sad.

There are moments of self-pity and moments of temptation to call my own plans better than His.

"But I wanted another autumn baby! We have to wait that long??? Will my maternity clothes work at all next time...if there even is a next time??? I wanted our kids to be this far apart!"

Those are my words. These are His:

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

This morning I was feeling much better physically, but a new wave of sadness hit me not long into our morning routine. In those moments of weakness, I was (and am) very thankful for that Helper that Jesus promised us, namely the Spirit of God. I was (and am) grateful for Words tucked into my heart, prompting me to run from the anger, bitterness, and fear into the Everlasting Arms.

Here is what I found:

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:21-26

I had to say it to myself and I will say it to you.

The LORD must be our portion. He must fill us up. He must satisfy those inner longings of our hearts. Not a baby. Not a job. Not a husband or a wife. Not material wealth or possessions.

Say it to yourself: "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

I will hope in him, because he can fill me up. He can ease the fear. He can make me smile. He can bear my grief and whisper comfort and peace to my soul in the midst of it.

I won't lie. The grief is real, and yet it is more true than ever: Great is His Faithfulness.

Dirty fingernails

2010-04-05T20:53:00.002-05:00

My fingernails have dirt underneath them. That makes me smile.

I have always loved playing in the dirt. Today as I cursed the wild onions that have invaded our landscaping, I couldn't help but smile a little at the thought of five-year-old me garnishing a mud pie with the same.

The work was good for my soul today. Though the weeds were a ready reminder of a curse to be hated, the glossy greens of new life all around soothed my heart.

A new day

2010-04-05T08:06:00.002-05:00

It's a new day and a new week.

It is different than I thought it would be this time last week. So it goes.

My house is crying for attention. So is our landscaping.

There is a little boy watching Sesame Street that keeps me busy and fills up my day with fun (and grass stains and dirt). :)

Diapers need to be washed and sunned.

There is a wooden bench my hunky husband carpenter built me Saturday waiting to be sanded and painted.

It's a new day.

I'll let you know how it goes.

He lives

2010-04-04T11:38:00.004-05:00

Photo taken by my precious friend MaryBeth Carlisle

This is the grave that is traditionally recognized as belonging to Jesus.

But it didn't belong to Him for very long.

On the third day, He didn't need it.

He is risen.

"An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!"
~ William and Gloria Gaither

***

(FYI: I posted some pics of the Bug on CheyeSpace, and will probably post more in the next few days.)

A different kind of Good

2010-04-02T08:36:00.002-05:00

Today is Good Friday: the day traditionally recognized by Christians as the day Jesus of Nazareth was condemned to die and nailed to a Roman cross as a criminal.

Only he was not a criminal. He was (and is) the Son of God.

Put another way: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21)

It was the worst day in the history of the world. The skies turned dark and rocks split open. Jesus' followers scattered in fear.

But it was Good. For our good. It was a step in the outworking of a Perfect Plan, out of the Goodness of God. A Mystery, but Good nonetheless.

"Man of Sorrows - What a Name - For the Son of God who came - Ruined sinners t0 reclaim - Hallelujah - What a Savior!" (words of a hymn by Philip Bliss)

***

This Friday is different from any other for our family. It is not good in so many ways.

Two days ago I intended to reveal big news, good news. We were pregnant.

Catch that? We were pregnant.

Wednesday an ultrasound revealed that our baby, who was due to arrive on my own birthday, had stopped growing. There was no heartbeat. A "missed" miscarriage, because my body had carried on for a few weeks as though the baby were still thriving. But it wasn't.

Yesterday was spent at a hospital having a procedure done to help my body realize the "fetal demise." (I wanted to vomit when I heard those words.)

It was not a very good day.

Why do I share this? Many knew we were pregnant. Many of you did not. Many people choose to keep these moments a secret, and I can understand why; for us, I'm not sure that is the best option.

Even though Wednesday was one of the saddest days of my life, and yesterday even sadder, to hide the pain is to also hide the Goodness of God.

You see, Jesus on that cross has everything to do with this miscarriage.

I was deeply comforted yesterday morning as I prepared to go to the hospital by this word from the Bug's namesake, Charles Haddon Spurgeon:

"Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer."

We have not only endured this suffering in light of Jesus' cross, we have found joy and peace that is beyond our understanding. We have felt His love in the many brothers and sisters who have carried us through it in prayers, calls, emails, etc.

Our hearts overflow with gratitude as we see the handsome big brother running around all smiles and laughter; he is solace to our hearts, and God has blessed us in him well beyond our expectations. Looking at that ultrasound screen only to find death was made much more bearable by the little boy so full of life in his daddy's arms beside me.

Death is not good. It is our enemy, whether it is the Son of God or a baby whose days were very very short.

But He is still Good. His plan is Good. Somehow this was for our Good. A mystery, but Good nonetheless. A different kind of Good. I hope this Friday you know and have experienced the Goodness of such a suffering Savior.

For our sweet one who will not be in family pictures, but always in our hearts, I find such comfort in these words:

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

Have a blessed Easter weekend. Will you praise the Lord with us for His Infinite Goodness?

In case you wonder

2010-03-24T13:50:00.002-05:00

Life has been busy around our house and at the end of the day I just can't seem to find energy to write. Just in case you wonder.

I will be back soon enough.

With pictures. And news. And more pictures. And thoughts.

But not today.

Building Material

2010-03-16T12:08:00.002-05:00

The ladies at Girl Talk are doing a new series that I think is well worth our time.

The first post is called The Snare of Compare. Comparison truly is a snare, especially to women.

The second post What About John? introduces a conversation between Peter and Jesus that reveals the sinful attitude of comparison in Peter's heart. My guess is that each of us can relate.

I'm excited about the rest of this series. It's always healthy to consider our ways.

North

2010-03-09T16:38:00.003-06:00

I know I've been quiet this week.

I'm up north.

My babe turned 18 months yesterday.

We're reconnecting with great friends.

More to come, but that's all for now.

Building Material

2010-03-04T08:37:00.002-06:00

It has been a while since I have done a Building Material links post, but here are some that I thought would be great to share:

Don't forget to enter to win the book Adopted For Life through tomorrow here!

A great post on Family Devotions for Young Children @ Girl Talk

Free fancy printable menu planning worksheets @ Money Saving Mom

All kinds of inspiration for furniture building @ Knock Off Wood

My next baking adventure: Apple Fritters @ Pioneer Woman

Free or Cheap Piper and Bonhoeffer Audiobook links @ Between Two Worlds

Heavy

2010-03-01T19:52:00.002-06:00

My heart is heavy.

Our church family lost a beloved sister last night, after an unexpected turn of events occurred in the midst of a routine surgery. She is with Jesus, but her husband and two boys are grieving.

A couple of young fathers are battling cancer while their wives and small children wait to see how the treatments go. They have faith in Christ, but the reality of weakness and pain are bitter.

One of our grandparents just found out she has to have another stint inserted. Over the past year several of our grandparents have suffered different ailments, and it is hard to see them frail and sick.

Our Bug is sick yet again, minor but still... Another virus and a trip to the doctor. Temperatures have ranged from 103 to 105 consistently, and he is not a happy camper.

Orphans around the world are going to bed tonight (or are waking up) without a mother to hold them and kiss away their tears. They are hungry, poor, and alone. I wish I could fit all the millions of them in my little humble home, but I cannot. I pray that one day we will have the privilege of welcoming at least one of these sweet ones into our family.

What do I have, but hope in His goodness? These things are big, but He is bigger.

They are dark. But He is Light. In Him there is no darkness at all.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Gray day blahs

2010-02-24T14:39:00.002-06:00

I'm dreaming of sand, sun, and ocean.

The vibrant colors of summer to drown out the wall of gray all around.

Does anyone have a teleportation device to beam me to the beach?
A beach house you are dying to share?
Normally I appreciate the merits of winter, but today I have a case of the gray-day blahs.

Have a plan

2010-02-04T10:24:00.000-06:00

Many of you have expressed similar desire to wake up and spend time with God each day.

Sometimes the hardest part, aside from waking up and getting out of bed, is knowing what to do with the Bible once you sit to read.

For a long time it was my practice to just flip to a random page or book and pick up reading. Afterall, I believe that "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." (1 Tim.3:16) I couldn't go wrong, right?

Though I still occasionally approach the scriptures this way, over time I grew bored of my non-method. It was easy to pick and choose pleasant things to read, while I was ignoring things that were harder to understand or directly defying what I wanted to believe. Besides, I would just sit wasting time, flipping, trying to find something to read.

Having some kind of method to reading has been the most helpful thing for me over time.

There are hundreds of great daily devotionals out there, as well as daily reading plans that give you what passages to read. Some plans take you through the Bible in one year, while others are on a different timeline. There are stand-alone workbooks and study guides that accompany books. There are Bible commentaries and just plain study Bibles with extensive notations. Now there are even great resources online.

The method isn't all that important - but having one is.

One of my favorite methods is reading "Psalms of the day" as taught by Dr.Donald Whitney. (To find his method outlined go here, scroll down, and click on "Click here for Praying through Scripture outline." There are a ton of other resources on his page!)

I also enjoy reading the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds to the day of the month, especially on days when I am crunched for time.

There are merits to reading large chunks of scripture at once (like reading an entire letter by Paul, for example), and also to slowing down and meditating on a particular truth, perhaps dwelling on just one verse. Having a plan that integrates both would be great.

Have you found it helpful to choose a particular method when studying the Bible? Which methods work best for you?

Must-read article

2010-02-03T15:47:00.001-06:00

Jenny linked to this article by Dr.Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary -- and I have to share it. It is a tragic, beautiful story of a Haitian orphan who found his family. Go here to read "Adopted for life...and death."

Thoughts on running, Part 2

2010-01-29T11:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I shared some thoughts on beginning to run again after a substantial break. You can read the first post here.

I used to love running; but I don't run anymore. I want to love running again.

For some of you, this is nonsense. You hate running. I understand. We had shirts in college that said, "Our sport is your sport's punishment..." or something to that effect.

Others of you are hardcore and are wondering why I'm still typing and not out training. (You know who you are.) Get off your fanny and run! you think.

Maybe some of you can sympathize, but hopefully all of you can relate somehow as I venture into a few reminders of why I loved running so much in the first place.

It was always an adventure.
From the time I joined my first team as a 10 year old it was never dull. Even though I always complained about practice in college, some of my favorite memories are of running at the back of the pack on a long run, fearful I'd be left for dead, or of running on rainy days just waiting for some jerk in their car to get so close to the curb that a wall of water came careening our way.

You get to know your surroundings.
I know backstreets and shortcuts and routes that most people don't know. When traveling it's especially fun to be a runner - to go out and explore a new city on foot. The summer I spent with Athletes In Action in the Czech Republic actually made running my summer mileage enjoyable. (I was an 800 meter runner, folks. That's a half mile. Many miles are not my forte.) A few of us experienced parts of Prague and the Czech countryside that other project teammates didn't because we traversed them on early morning runs. [The photos in this post were common sights along my running routes that summer.]

Running buddies make good friends.
One problem I have now is that running alone makes the most sense as time and practicality are concerned - but I don't enjoy going it alone. Many of my favorite people are people I have logged many miles side by side. I'm taking applications for new running buddies, if anyone's interested.

Discipline often applies across the board.
By that I mean that when I was most disciplined in my running life, the rest followed suit. My time was tightly scheduled and I had to multitask well. The act of disciplining your body through running can translate into better discipline in other areas of life. When I was running I naturally ate better because my body needed appropriate fuel. I slept better, because I was tired. My routine now is far from efficient, and perhaps running is just the thing to whip me back into shape in more ways than one.

Spiritual lessons abounded from the practice of running.
When I was running I was always more aware of my dependence on God. Whether it was a daily run or an important race at a big meet, I knew I couldn't make it on my own. The suffering, pressure, and need for endurance were all more than I could naturally handle alone. God has shown me His power more tangibly through running than nearly any other facet of my life. He used it to discipline me and teach me lessons in perseverance. In my own weakness I often felt His strength. The passages of scripture that are etched in my memory mostly pertain to some lesson God was teaching me through running, with application to real life that I still call upon every day. On those rare solo runs, I did often find my way into His presence. Hmm...maybe I'm onto something.

Health is important.
This may be slightly obvious. The strength that my years of running provided were a benefit. With exception to asthma and allergies, which often complicated and frustrated running for me, I loved the fitness it afforded. Like I said before, the physical fitness led to better eating and sleeping habits too, yielding an overall healthy life.

The Runner's High
There is something to it. Burning lungs and cramping legs melt away at the thrill of crossing a finish line...even more so if you finish well. It really is kind of like having a baby. The process leading up to it is grueling. The race is intense whether it is long (for some) or short (for others). At the end you feel like you want to die, but you know you would gladly (and probably will) do it all again.

So there you have it. Cue "Chariots of Fire" music. I want to brave the impending snow and run circles around myself.

What do you love or hate about running?

Thoughts on running, Part 1

2010-01-28T11:55:00.000-06:00

In this post a few weeks ago I shared how I want to be more physically disciplined in 2010, and resume exercising as a normal part of every week.

This is an area of life that I have allowed to slip off the top of the pile, and quite frankly, I have grown lazy.

One primary ~~excuse~~ issue is that of ~~finding~~ making time. Fitting it in used to be easy, since track practice times and workouts were always set for me and I had a built-in group of running buddies. The running was far from easy, but the scheduling was.

Looking ahead, all I see is a giant lonely mountain of muscle pain, blisters, and fatique. Just thinking about squeezing the extra time into my routine (and how to do so with a toddler) makes me tired, although it is necessary.

Saturday I did take one small step in the right direction: we ran a mile and a half.

It's difficult to even type that as a milestone, given who I used to be: The Runner. Oh yeah, and a Christian. That Christian Runner. There you have it...me, from 5th grade right up through college. My first license plate read RUN 400 and I owned cool Smurf-blue Nikes.

Looking back at that girl who was team captain and letter winner, logging thousands of miles in a decade of grueling practices, and some decently quick treks around the track, it's hard (because of my pride) to admit that a mile and a half is all I've got in my tank.

But it is, if I'm honest.

Maybe the break was good for me, though my legs and lungs beg to differ.

Besides the humility that comes in seeing your own weaknesses and wrong motives firsthand, I've been able to think about an important question:

What was it I loved about running? Because at one time I really did.

I'll share some thoughts on that tomorrow. Maybe they will encourage me to slip on my Asics and run one more mile.

Are there things in your life you used to enjoy but have gotten out of the habit of doing lately? What are they?

Reasons I love them

2010-01-27T14:53:00.000-06:00

The silver lining in this stomach virus thing?

I love my boys.

I mean, really, really, love them. Both of them.

Matt has always had a way of being my "glass half full" to my "glass half empty." He cheers me up and reminds me of the bright side, sometimes unintentionally.

Today the fog is lifting and my gut is not wrenching quite like before. The Jimmy John's sub I thought it would be okay to eat (it wasn't) for dinner has finally dislodged from my esophagus and I can think a little more clearly.

So, without any other real ability to put words together, I just want to shout from the rooftops of Blogland how much I love them.

A few reasons why:

1-The Bug had the same crazy beasty tummy troubles for several days and managed to keep on keepin' on with smile and charm to boot. He's my champ.

2-His daddy has worked from home and braved getting our germs to take care of the pitiful likes of us. (The odds were stacked against him, but I think...maybe...he's almost in the clear.)

3-They took a trip to the grocery this morning and spent about a months grocery budget trying to find something I could properly digest...and a few little things for them to munch on too.

4-Yesterday, head down near the family throne, I hear the sweet voice of my baby boy floating down the hall from his highchair, "Bup, bup, Mama." [translation: burp, burp] Disgusting, yet comical enough to lift my spirits.

5-Matt brought home two Redbox movies for me - both cartoons. (I love him!)

6-My Bug snuggled in and let me read to him both days when I was feeling too bad to really play. Good medicine, indeed.

7-Laundry, dirty diapers, and dishes have all been done without a hitch while I've been sickly.

8-They tell funny stories and make up silly songs.

9-Quote from my husband,"You know, it's funny that I got to take you out on two dates this weekend and spend so much time with you...and then pretty much tried to avoid you at all costs since then." [The Bug was overnighting it, remember? And then he brought the plague home.]

10-They are gifts from Jesus - reminders of His faithfulness and love to me even on blah days.

Wise Words

2010-01-13T13:01:00.000-06:00

"Where God is not known in the inner shrine, the individual must try to compensate for his sense of aloneness in whatever way he can. Most persons rush to the world to find companionship and surround themselves with every kind of diversionary activity. All devices for killing time, every shallow scheme for entertainment, are born out of this inner loneliness. It is a significant and revealing fact that such things have in these last days grown into billion-dollar enterprises! So much will men pay to forget that they are a temple without a God, a garden where no voice is heard in the cool of the day." ~A.W. Tozer, as quoted in Tozer on the Almighty God: A 366-Day Devotional, January 13.

A.W. Tozer died in 1963, long before wireless Internet, Facebook, Twitter, or Nintendo, yet his words are more true today than they ever have been! We are seemingly more connected, and yet perhaps more truly isolated, than ever before.

Goodbye, 2009

2009-12-31T11:59:00.000-06:00

For the last week of 2009 I unplugged. It has been a refreshing week, mostly Facebook and blog free (both reading and writing). My husband is off work and we have spent a lot of quality time with the Bug and trying to outdo one another with Blokus.

We had a family meeting/date night last night to talk over some goals and planning for the year ahead. I'm planning to share some things we discussed with you in the coming weeks.

This year has been fast paced and full of changes for our family. We began 2009 with a baby and are ending it with a full-fledged toddler. He walks, he talks, he drinks a few gallons of milk a week, and chases the family cat down the hall. He is learning family members' names and loves to dance. We moved our nursing chair out of his room and moved in a toy bin. He has eight teeth and can tell me when he messed in his diaper. I have a feeling 2010 will be even busier, chasing and training and laughing and loving this little man we call our Bug.

Matt became a university instructor and an official pastor, as we celebrated his ordination not long ago. This marked the first year without tuition bills for either of us in a long while.

I became a stay-at-home mom in May, and have not looked back for an instant. There are trying days, but overall I am thoroughly enjoying the routine of each day and the time focused on serving my family better.

It was a good year, and we're praying for an even better one in 2010.

Happy New Year!

Building Material

2009-12-23T11:54:00.001-06:00

As you begin thinking about 2010, here are few book recommendations useful for building in wisdom:

Treasuring God in our Traditions by Noel Piper

The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot

Feminine Appeal by Caroline Mahaney

Humility by C.J. Mahaney

The Prodigal God and Counterfeit Gods, both by Timothy Keller

Adopted for Life by Russell Moore

These were among my favorites for 2009. I haven't read Counterfeit Gods yet, but it is high on Matt's list. Happy reading!

What was the best book you read this year?

Wise Words

2009-12-16T14:20:00.000-06:00

"Infinite, and an infant. Eternal, and yet born of a woman. Almighty, and yet hanging on a woman’s breast. Supporting a universe, and yet needing to be carried in a mother’s arms. King of angels, and yet the reputed son of Joseph. Heir of all things, and yet the carpenter’s despised son. Oh, the wonder of Christmas."
~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Wise Words

2009-11-14T13:43:00.000-06:00

2 Corinthians 9:6-11 is a great reminder in this season:

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: 'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.' Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

Rebuilding a chair, Part 3

2009-11-11T22:02:00.000-06:00

I've been sharing step by step how my husband and I refinished and reupholstered an old rocking chair that I bought this summer at a yard sale. You can go here to see the before and after. To see the project from the beginning, start here. To see how we rebuilt the cushioning and prepared to add fabric, go here (or scroll down a post).

Finally, my little chair is dressed (and she is a classy lady, too!) In this post I'll show you how we went from a padded, structurally sound - yet naked - chair, to an upholstered and useful piece.

[I feel it necessary at this point to add a disclaimer that we are not professionals! This is the ultimate DIY project, and I'm enjoying getting to share the process with you; however, if you're considering doing your own project I would highly recommend checking some books out of your local library or doing some serious Internet research. Familiarize yourself with upholstery terms and tools. Familiarize yourself with your piece. All that said, I do hope this helps you think about your own project and motivates you to work on it!]

Okay, so where were we? Padding? Check! Batting? Check! On to the fun fabric part! The last time you saw the chair it looked like this:

I was trembling with excitement when we got finished with the batting, because I knew that meant it was time to add fabric. I was also extremely nervous at the thought of cutting the fabric and making some major, irreversible mistake. (Did you catch that above about us not being pros? This was trial and error, and when you have limited fabric from a store two hours away, error is not a good thing!)

The fabric we used was a very good option for ones first project, even besides the fact that I think it is so delightfully pretty. It has a medium repeating pattern and medium weight that does not have an obvious vertical or horizontal direction, meaning that we didn't have to work as hard at having it lined up perfectly to the centimeter. As I measured and cut I did try to make sure it was centered and that the pattern lined up from the seat cushion to the seat back.

A large pattern or stripes would have been difficult to work with on this project. Our chair is small and a large pattern would not have fit its scale. You want to think about that when choosing fabric. Also, you won't want something very stiff and hard to work with; on the contrary, silk or something thin would have been equally difficult to work with. Since I have a toddler I wanted something very durable and forgiving, which you may or may not need!

I used my measurements and draped the fabric to get a feel for where it should fall. I used straight pins to mark the center. After a good ironing it was ready to cut!

I cut solid squares and marked places that need cut in after positioning it on the chair. Cut carefully and as you go...we made a few cuts too early and regretted it!

From there we pulled and smoothed and tacked. Pulled loose. Pulled and smoothed more. Tacked more. Took loose again. Got impatient with husband. Tried to pull and smooth myself. Screamed. Threw tack hammer at the cat. Just kidding! This part looks fun but a better word is frustrating! Pray for patience and precision before beginning.

Finally we got it right. Close enough for me. And the husband and cat were still alive - a bonus!

Next I cut the piece for the seat back. That piece was simpler than the seat bottom, though still time consuming. The seat back took two pieces of fabric - one for the front and one to finish off the back.

Once the front piece was tacked into place we trimmed and smoothed it. I had to fold and pin the back piece. Then I ironed it to get a crisp crease for the edges. Here is what it looked like after we tacked the back piece on (and you also get a nice view up into the bottom of the finished seat):

Now all that is left is adding the trim on the back to hide the tacks and adding cambric - a meshy kind of fabric - to the bottom as a dust cover! I'll be sure to add photos of that when I get around to it, but for now we're enjoying looking over at our dressed up little chair.

Rebuilding a chair, Part 2

2009-11-10T20:57:00.000-06:00

If this is your first glimpse of my yard sale rocking chair find, go here and here to catch up to speed. For the rest of you, welcome back!

In the first post on rebuilding a chair we covered refinishing the wood surface and how we learned to tie zigzag (aka sinuous) springs. We left off with a chair that looked like this:

With the burlap stapled into place over the tied springs we were ready to move on to the padding step. Before purchasing any padding I drew a very rough sketch of my chair and then carefully measured from every possible angle the seat deck and seat back, labeling my drawing as I went.

It is very important to take careful notice of the piece before deconstructing it (if you haven't already!) Take photos of it from multiple angles. Look at how the fabric is pieced together. Take note of what kind of padding and the curvature of the cushions. If the original fabric is in decent condition, use the old pieces as patterns for new...I didn't have that luxury. Those notes will be much more helpful in reconstructing the piece than the generic instructions you will find elsewhere.

The original innards of my chair (or what was left of them) consisted of very fine wood shavings and a thin layer of cotton batting. I feared it would be hard to replicate the original shape with foam padding, but took my cue from the helpful lady at Hancock Fabric. She suggested 4" thick foam (22" x 22" to fit my chair) for the seat cushion. I bought the same kind of foam in the 2" variety for the seat back.

(We went outside for this part because it involved toxic spray adhesive!)

As you can tell from the picture above, it did not initially look like we were headed for elegant curves. I was a little worried. Cutting the foam was a challenge. I didn't feel like dropping $300 on a special foam cutting tool for my $6 chair; therefore we used a manual saw and old fashioned scissors. It took four hands (as much of this project does) but it worked.

I made a pattern with a sheet of wrapping paper and used that as a template for making marks on my foam and cutting it. After my foam was cut I placed it on my batting to get a good measurement for that. I was able to find clearance cotton batting for this project - it was thin, but cheap enough that I bought a lot and just doubled it.

Next we were ready to put the seat cushion in place. We sprayed the adhesive on the burlap and also on one side of the foam (per spray adhesive's instructions for adhering foam permanently). Then we put it in place and wiggled it until we were sure it was where we wanted it. We repeated the same steps with the top piece.

One more step required the trusty spray adhesive. With the batting measured and cut, we sprayed adhesive on the foam and one side of batting to fuse them together.

After a few minutes of allowing the adhesive to settle in it was time to start the shaping process! I was skeptical, but after several minutes of tugging on the batting and pulling it tight, softer lines were revealed!

We propped the chair up on blocks and Matt crawled into the belly of the beast with our trusty electric staple gun. [You will want an electric staple gun in lieu of a manual because a manual one will not give you enough control. Mine was less than $30 and well worth the investment.] I smoothed the top of the seat cushion and fed him extra fabric while he secure it in place beneath.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the nice contour we had after the batting was in place. We repeated the smoothing/stapling process with the seat back.

Whew! Are you tired of reading yet? I feel like I'm rebuilding the chair all over again. I'm making the executive decision to make this at least one more post. In the next post I'll move on to the actual fabric and what actually recovering the chair was like. That's the best part (though not the easiest!)

Rebuilding a chair, Part 1

2009-11-09T08:25:00.000-06:00

Even though I showed you the before and after of the little pitiful rocking chair on Friday, I've been planning a few more detailed posts to share how we transformed it. Here is a run down of our attempt to be reupholsterers, which we learned from various online sources and a few library books.

The project still lacks a few finishing touches, including trimming out the back edges with cording and finishing tacks, as well as tacking a dust cover on the bottom of the seat. From top/front view, however, it is finished.

The day I brought the chairs home I was so anxious to see the chair frames that I immediately stripped them down to bare wood and springs. (I shared that with you and you probably thought I was crazy.)

Our initial assessment was that the chair was structurally sound, the springs were strong, and that the finish was dismal.

So the first real project we tackled was refinishing the wood surface. The original stain was nothing but dust in several places on the chair, but we still had to use some extremely toxic surface stripper to loosen up the deep cherry finish on much of it. After cleaning off as much of the old gunk as we could, scrubbing it clean of chemicals, and buying some clearance stain at Lowe's, I applied the stain with a small brush. I applied several coats (letting dry between), and finished with a coat of polyurethane to give it a nice sheen/protection.

I was very pleased with the outcome of the refinishing, but the next step seemed daunting - retying the springs. We determined that the chair has "zigzag" or "sinuous" springs; if you're curious you can go here to get a good look at what we were working with and a picture of how they had to be tied. Did I say it seemed daunting? I was afraid we were not up to the task, thus the chair sat in the above corner for quite sometime, naked and afraid. Until I put a wreath on it to cover the nakedness and make it feel festive.

I also needed some basic upholstery tools, including a tack hammer, tacks, an electric staple gun, and all the materials for the inside of the chair, as well as fabric. On Columbus Day I bought many supplies deeply discounted at Hancock Fabric. The rest I purchased from Lowe's and Hobby Lobby on Thursday.

On Thursday night we decided we were up for the challenge. Armed with photos of what the finished product should look like and a tutorial on how to tie slip knots, we embarked on tying the springs.

It took us a little while to get the hang of the knots, but once we did it went quickly. It looks right. I guess time will tell.

We also had to place webbing material on the seat back to make it more sturdy, since the original piece was so badly mildewed that I removed and trashed it. Once that piece was stretched and tacked into place we covered the seat deck and springs with a piece of burlap.

With that we called it quits for Thursday evening, and it's also a good stopping point for this post.

I'll pick back up with how we cut and placed the foam, batting, and fabric. Be sure to come back for part 2!

***

Birth

2009-11-08T15:26:00.000-06:00

Twenty seven years ago today I made my grand entrance into the world. In his goodness, God made me and gave me to a family who has loved me well during these years. I'm thankful for life today.

Sixteen years ago yesterday I celebrated a new birth. I stood in the baptismal waters that November, after having confessed belief in Jesus as my Savior earlier that year, and I was buried in Christ, raised to walk in new life. God provided a church family of precious saints who also loved and served me well, teaching me the Gospel and how to live it out. I am thankful for that new life ever more today.

Fourteen months ago today I cried tears of joy as I gazed into the face of our firstborn for the very first time. As I watch him grow so quickly I have some inkling of how my parents must feel to be calling their twenty-seven year old baby girl today, wondering where the years have gone. I am trying to take in every moment of this season, knowing it will slip by fast. I am thankful for this sweet season of life today.

Today I am very glad that my birthday fell on a Sunday this year. It was a special way to celebrate another blessed year to stand in our congregation and worship my Creator who has sustained me these twenty seven years. He has given me physical life. He has taken the broken and sinful, and given me new life - abundant and peaceful life - in Jesus. He has given me so much. I have always had home and family to love and comfort, a groom who cherishes me and makes me know my worth, a child who is healthy and brings so much joy. He has placed faithful Christians in my life in every season to teach me the ancient paths that bring life and joy. I am thankful for Pine Hill. I am thankful for Living Hope.

Someday I will celebrate my last birthday on this earth. Instead of dread at the thought, my heart wells up at the thought of each passing birthday bringing me one year closer to that blessed meeting with Jesus face to face, the Redeemer who bought my sin and shame, promising eternal life by his gracious death on the cross in my stead. I am thankful that I can look toward that Day with hope and anticipation. As I celebrate all of his gifts, I long for the Giver.

Chair project update

2009-11-06T22:29:00.000-06:00

Some of you might remember the yard sale chairs from this summer. Three chairs, less than $20. Unusable chairs, but still...I have imagination.

For several months the little rocker has sat in the corner of my kitchen naked - stripped down bare to the springs. In August I refinished it, but ran out of energy and left it sit there. I finally put a wreath in the seat to make it look festive for fall. (So if you came to my house and wondered...there you have it.)

I picked up fabric with my mom one day on a whim. It was a great pattern and a better price. A few weeks ago I happened upon a glorious sale at Hancock fabrics and loaded up on the foam for the seat, batting, jute, twine, etc. Then it was just a matter of finding time.

This weekend is my birthday (!) and so I called in a favor to my busy husband. Please, please, please can we work on those chairs??? Pretty please? And he obliged because he loves me, and he's smart.

Today, I give you the before and after. The little pitiful $6 rocking chair has new life, after a lot of elbow grease and a little love (and the purchase of several tools - including an electric staple gun!)

I will post more on the process by early next week, but for now...TADA!!

BEFORE

AFTER

Wise Words

2009-10-27T09:06:00.000-05:00

"Few women realize what great service they are doing for mankind and for the kingdom of Christ when they provide a shelter for the family and good mothering - the foundation on which all else is built. A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral - the dwelling place for an immortal soul (both her child's fleshly tabernacle and his earthly abode). No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities."

~Dorothy Patterson, "The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective," Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

Building Material

2009-10-22T09:56:00.000-05:00

Here is something else to anticipate regularly at To Build This House - resources for building your own. Each week I'll link to other helpful posts of various kinds that will help you be more effectively working, worshiping, whatever. You get the point.

Kimba @ A Soft Place To Land is sharing a Make Your Home More Welcoming Challenge. All simple and easy to institute immediately so far!

Carolyn Mahaney @ Girl Talk recently did a series on the Christian's need to practice hospitality. She offers great challenges and perspective. You can find all the posts in the series here.

I found a cool recipe search engine that allows you to plug in ingredients you have while it conjures up a list of things you could actually make. When your pantry is bare, Supercook is a nice tool. Eggs? Flour? Baking soda? Mac and cheese? Mac and cheese quiche? Maybe not!

The Nester has revolutionized my bedroom dresser (pic above) with her tutorial on shopping your house to create a tablescape.

Wise Words

2009-10-20T09:06:00.000-05:00

We are wise to heed the words of other saints, especially those who have gone before us. So, in that spirit, every week I plan on posting at least once under the title "Wise Words." It might be from something I have read recently, a quote I live by, or simply a verse from Scripture. Sometimes I will provide brief commentary, sometimes not. I'm praying it is useful to you as you build your own house.

Without further ado, the first installment of wise words...

"'What if God does not want me to have what I need at this moment?'

'If He does not want you to have something that you value, it to give you instead something He values.'

'And if I do not want what He has to give me?'

'If you are not willing that God should have His way with you, then, in the name of God, be miserable - until your misery drive you into the arms of the Father.'

'Oh, but this is only about a mundane matter. I do trust him in spiritual matters.'

'Everything is an affair of the spirit. If God has a way of dealing with you in your life, it is the only way. Every little thing in which you would have your own way has a mission for your redemption. And he will treat you as a willful little child until you take your Father's way for your own.'" (George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons)

As a parent of a sometimes "willful little child," this is a vivid picture of God's dealings with me. May God give us grace to desire His ways, to the willing abandonment of our own!

Can you think of a time in your own life when you have desired your own way, to find that God had a different plan instead?

Welcome inside this house

2009-10-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

"The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
Proverbs 14:1

I am praying for wisdom to build this house that God has blessed me with - not a physical, brick and mortar, temporary dwelling (though it will include this little brick abode much of the time), but a foundation and legacy for wisdom and love that will far outreach my short days on earth.

Building this house includes the daily ins and outs of being a wife and mother, daughter, sister, mentor and friend. Marriage, parenting, pet-owning. Faith, and lack of it. Housework and heart-work. Real life. Worshiping Jesus in the mundane moments as well as the exhilarating ones.

You're invited along on the adventure of building this house.